Me: I’ve had this for 3 weeks & I’m still single!
HomeDepot Clerk: ma’am, a stud finder is for the beams in your wall
Me: that was unclear
Boxing and fencing
Two sports that have nothing to do with boxes or fences
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Symptoms of mental illness:
-Complaining about how other people use their social media accounts
Them: Are you a frontend or backend developer?
Me: *winking* I’m pretty developed in both places.
Anyways, that’s how I ended up in HR.
Her: are you single?
[flashback to 2011 where I tried to kiss a girl but she turned away and I kissed her cheek]
Me: haha idk
*Prosecution lawyer paints white stripe on otter*
DEFENCE LAWYER: Objection, Your Honour. He’s clearly badgering the witness.
Shaggy: ‘Twas not I
If you put your face really close to a neck tattoo & slowly pull away, you can see a hidden design of the unemployment office.
*Steals parking spot from guy backing in*
Me: [rolls down window] I SEE THAT YOU’RE NOT MARRIED. I ALSO AM NOT MARRIED
“There’s an all you can eat–”
My spinning empty office chair
He caught me making googly eyes at my phone. I could’ve avoided a fight by showing him it was just puppy gifs but I was bored.