@thegoodgodabove I play videogames for a few hours and World War 3 breaks out wtf
@liv_thatsme (Boyfriend reaches for an old Target bag to line the trash can)
Me: NOT THE NICE TRASH BAGS
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@thegoodgodabove 
@notseriouslyamy I found $100 in my pocket this morning and almost quit my job
@YoungFunE I’m now on year 3 of the ‘7 day ab challenge’
@shegotagronk If you’re ever interested in having a near death experience just tell a girl she’s not hot enough to be that crazy.
@jazmasta 
@KylePlantEmoji Her: it’s been three weeks but the dog still hasn’t passed my wedding ring. I think we should just give up
Me: really? After all the shit we’ve been through?
@ItMeIRL me_irl
@Rollmaninoz Diary
June 28 1954
So it turns out my weakness is kryptonite. I can’t tell anybody this.June 30 1954
I accidentally told Lex. Should be ok
@TheToddWilliams [mosquitoes]
MORT: I think I’m a vampire
MARV: We all love blood, Mort
MORT: But I can’t see myself in this mirror
MARV: That’s a leaf
@tiReynard My snack didn’t taste very good.
Now I’m gonna hafta cleanse the palate w a large buffalo chicken pizza for lunch
I know. Life’s tough.