hey Disney-Pixar here’s an idea maybe make a movie where the daughter ACTUALLY LISTENS TO HER FATHER
(Boyfriend reaches for an old Target bag to line the trash can)
Me: NOT THE NICE TRASH BAGS
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I am truly grieving for everyone who thinks they are too cool to wear a fanny pack because you all deserve to live this unencumbered hands-free lifestyle
My husband: Put on something hot and do a sexy dance for me, baby.
Me: *puts on Snuggie and does the worm*
England’s gonna have a rude awakening when they go to war and all their knights are actors and musicians.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
-Honey, what made you fall in love with me?
-But my mother lives 5000 miles away.
But I meant it as a compliment when I said your baby looks like a pug.
My husband is playing Super Mario Bros with our sons and one of them is having a MAJOR tantrum. Sadly, it’s my husband.
Not to brag but I read the instructions before I did something today. I didn’t follow them, but still.
As soon as I get my shit figured out I’m going to start judging everyone.