Me: I don’t have a jealous bone, in my body.
Fibula: Silently plots revenge.
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Me: so I’ve been a little unclear regarding everything you’ve asked me to do since Monday
Me: let me finish. In February. 2011.
PRIEST: Is there any reason these two shouldn’t be wed?
ME: *from the back* SHE HOLDS ONTO CHECKS FOR MONTHS & THEN CASHES THEM UNEXPECTEDLY
Politics isn’t confusing. You have a choice of being screwed by one of two gorillas and one is considerate enough to use lube. Now choose.
According to HR, white people aren’t issued a race card, and they’d appreciate if I went back to my desk.
i love the term “partners”
are we dating?
are we robbing a bank?
do we run a legal firm?
Who knows man
NEMESIS: i hate you
ME: i hate me too. and the enemy of my enemy is my friend
NEMESIS: so can you stay the night?
ME: i’ll ask my mom
PISSED: teen gets fed up with teacher
“can i use the bathroom?”
“i don’t know, CAN you?”
*takes deep breath*
*pisses all over teachers desk*
Nothing sadder than the look on my dogs face when I drop food from the table and they realize it’s lettuce.
Her: So, are you seeing anyone?
Me: You mean like a therapist or hallucinations?