@djdarrellripley: Him: Hey, you really think that doing all those shots are going to make you forget that you got fired? Me: I got fired?

@MichaelAlliman: Cat 1: Are the humans asleep? Cat 2: It appears so. Cat 1: I shall now sing the anthem of my people.

@robfee: (At a funeral) Im so sorry for your loss. I know how it feels to lose something you love. Last year Taylor Swift took her music off Spotify.

@SirEviscerate: *dumps more fleas on my head* *sits back down in front of chimpanzee* So, anyway, like I was saying...

@Book_Krazy: 9: What did that message on the TV say Me: It said, the film has been modified to fit our screen 9: How do they know what size TV we have?