Got paired with a classmate for a Criminal law Project, so I guess now we’re partners in crime.
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“Be nice to everyone…
You never know who might have a pool.”
My wife said we would save money on Halloween candy if we bought it at Aldi so I guess we’re handing out Twicks, Skattles, and 4 Musketeers.
I dont mean to brag, ladies, but I can turn on most appliances with one finger
*climbs into windowless van*
*puts on “Free Hugs” t-shirt*
*heads out to make new friends*
*waits for lawyer in windowless room*
Unfortunate sticker placement.
Me: *taps one-night-stand on forehead* Unfollowed.
One-Night-Stand: It doesn’t work like that…
Me: *taps him on forehead again* Blocked.
If my company really wanted us to move during a fire drill, they’d lose the alarm and just announce that there’s free food by the stairs.
I eat boiled eggs, cabbage, and baked beans before the in-laws visit. They never stay long.
Stop undressing me with your eyes!!
Use your teeth.