To stay safe in a fire, remember the acronym “DBOF”:
Breaking Bad is my favorite documentary about what it takes to be an entrepreneur while balancing family life.
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Scientists say that dinosaurs and humans didn’t coexist but the makers of The Flintstones clearly dispute this so I’m not sure.
whats the definition of a will? (lol come on guys its a dead giveaway)
Brad Pitt: Doc, did you ever see my movie “Seven” with me and Morgurt Freeman?
Doctor: I think you mean Morgan
Brad: Sorry, Morgurt Morgan
My moral compass must run on solar power, because it never seems to work after dark.
Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Gays are definitely from Saturn. You know the only planet chic enough to accessorize with a belt.
“Halloween” is barbaric US ritual in which children earn candies by preying on the superstitions and fears of ignorant peasants.
Maybe being fat isn’t bad, it just sounds awful because we say ‘morbidly obese’. Let’s switch it to ‘cheerfully obese’ and see what happens.
Card is declined.
Waiter in a very loud voice:”Excuse me ma, ur card was declined” a few heads turn.
Me:I jst used d card. Pls try again”
Waiter tries again. Payment goes thru
Me: “pls maintain d energy.Say it loud dt my card was accepted”. A few heads turn again. I’m satisfied
I wouldn’t trust someone as far as I could throw them
ok, we can trust that baby