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One advantage The Monkees had over The Beatles was the opposable thumb


Apparently “my brain hurts” isn’t a legit reason to leave work early



8/3 Pancake, Norfolk, VA
8/10 Cheeto, Salem, OR
8/19 Window stain, Orem, UT
8/23 Vegemite Jar, Perth, AU


Him: I thought you were spring cleaning today

Me: *stumbling* Did you even SEE the wine cabinet?


superman villains:

darkseid – galactic conqueror
doomsday – indestructible killing machine

batman villains:

the joker – tells little jokes
the riddler – poses little riddles
the penguin – is a penguin


You know what’s great about being in your 40s?

Hang on. Lemme walk back into the last room I was in so I can remember…


If I’ve already used “For sure”, “Right?”, “No kidding” and “Seriously”, your story has gone on too long. I am out of responses.


I’m no socialist but I do believe everyone is born with an inherent right to as many dipping sauces for their mcnuggets as they want.