Not to brag but my bank says I have an outstanding balance.
You Might Also Like
HR: Did you call Brenda fat?
Me: No. I told her that based on her size, she should be more jolly.
Me: Big difference.
If your name is David and you have a son, you should definitely name him Harley so he can introduce himself as Harley, David’s son
me: *pointing* I’ll have that platter for one please
server: but that’s the ‘All You Can Eat’ buffet table, sir
me: challenge accepted
All of Ariel’s mer-sisters’ names started with A too. More like keeping up with the Karsplashians.
My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldn’t walk to the donut shop.
[at the gun store]
Me: I’ll take that gun & a box of ammo
Clerk: that’ll be $250
Me [with a gun & a box of ammo]: no
Did you ever wonder what happened to He-Man to make him get bangs?
The true danger of video games.
The problem with studying ancient Chinese art is I want some Mexican art a half an hour later.