I pan fried chicken tonight.
On another completely unrelated note: the firemen in my town are gorgeoussssss.
Breaking news from My dog!! there ar Small animals outside sometimes, but especially Right Now.
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Me: *eating a Mars bar*
Martian: Good grief where will I obtain alcohol now
How about putting that screaming kid on vibrate
Remember when you were a kid and the TV set in your basement weighed 8,000 pounds?
Wife: We are lost
Me: *driving a Nissan Pathfinder* LOL I think we’ll be fine
HR: you list 911 as your emergency contact
me: i hear they’re the best
Dang I didn’t make it to the gym today! That makes 5 years in a row
At my funeral, please make my dead body do the ‘walking down stairs behind a couch’ into the grave
BOND: The name’s Bond. James Bond.
ME: That’s a weird way to say your name, dude.
BOND: I’m a spy.
ME: You are bad at all parts of this.
Baby: *sleeps longer than expected*
Me: *checks if baby is alive*
Kid: *makes loud thud from other room*
Me: *checks if kid is alive*
Teen: *hasn’t sighed in an hour*
Me: *checks if teen is alive*