breaking news! ufo caught on tape!!!!!

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i just finished breaking bad. what happens to hanks minerals. I don’t like loose ends man. what happened to the minerals


Everyone’s been asking me how I would improve shoes. Here is my answer:


HAGRID: You’re a wizard, Harry.
ME: I’m not Harry.
H: Henry, you’re, there’s a blizzard.
M: Are you drunk?
H: Glenn, I’m a tugboat.


My son can go from “omg…you’re impossible I can’t wait until I’m 18!”
To “you’re the best mom ever” in a matter of $100


Takes approximately 7.5 seconds for #Adele to make you mourn a relationship that you weren’t even in.


*slow jams playing in the background
Her: take off my pants
Me: oh my bad, right, ok I totally thought these were mine.


Breakups is just a fancy name for what happens when men win arguments.


I’m no political expert, but as far as I can tell the Republican strategy seems to be:
“oh you think BUSH was terrible?”


Me: Do that thing I like

Him: [panics because I’m very inconsistent]