ANGEL: Ok, bats are done. We just need to decide how they sleep
GOD: [on his phone] Hang on
ANGEL: [writing] Bit weird but ok
BREAKING: Polaroid photo taken. More on this story as it develops.
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I went to M.C. Hammer’s house once. It was annoying. He won’t let you touch anything.
“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself, and being tagged in a super unflattering photo.”
For english press ONE. Para espanol el primo numero DOS. If you like totes can’t even right now, obvs press THREE.
Him: I like nerds
Me: So if a train is going at ten miles an hour west, and another train is travelling 50 miles an..
Him: not like that
*literally any business fails*
journalist: ahh yes, the millennials
I’m glad school taught me the Pythagorean theorem instead of how to do my taxes. It came in really handy this Pythagorean theorem season. 🇺🇸
I undo his overall strap & slide it off a barely perceptible shoulder. I pull his steel work goggle down around his “neck”
“BanaNA” he moans
U U U U U U
An American’s tile rack after a Scrabble game.
Hubs: ” Few glasses of wine tonight hun”?
Me: ” Yeah, I had a glass of red”
Hubs : ” Just one eh”
Me: ” Well I use the same glass”