My mom just told me she’s been watching that “Game of Thongs” show.
Gawd I hope she’s just saying it wrong.
*breaking up with BF
I’ll never forget you David.
‘My name is Jason’
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My youngest once got ahold of the scissors and gave herself a haircut. It wasn’t bad. So now every 6 weeks we casually leave them out.
i do this stupid thing where i water my garden on the day it rains, but in my defense, the rain reminds me that they need to be watered
“?leef uoy ekam taht did woh dnA”
– reverse psychology
Wrestling is the only sport that gets more embarrassing when you become a professional.
elon musk is what happens when the ghost of a 14 y/o who died in 2011 and the ghost of a 19th century oil baron try to possess the same body
In the wild a pumpkin can reach speeds of up to 0mph
If you think flossing before a dentist appointment is bad, just wait until your first colonoscopy.
one time my cousin greg put on two jean jackets and he exploded, there was mustache everywhere
It’s stupid that “girl” and “world” are rhymed together so much in songs when “squirrel” is right there for the taking.