@mydmac

*breaking up with BF

I’ll never forget you David.

‘My name is Jason’

Goodbye John.

You Might Also Like

@dazedandsincere

My mom just told me she’s been watching that “Game of Thongs” show.

Gawd I hope she’s just saying it wrong.

@AnniemuMary

My youngest once got ahold of the scissors and gave herself a haircut. It wasn’t bad. So now every 6 weeks we casually leave them out.

@gabbybendel

i do this stupid thing where i water my garden on the day it rains, but in my defense, the rain reminds me that they need to be watered

@marknorm

Wrestling is the only sport that gets more embarrassing when you become a professional.

@peanusts

elon musk is what happens when the ghost of a 14 y/o who died in 2011 and the ghost of a 19th century oil baron try to possess the same body

@UncleDuke1969

If you think flossing before a dentist appointment is bad, just wait until your first colonoscopy.

@weinerdog4life

one time my cousin greg put on two jean jackets and he exploded, there was mustache everywhere

@jwalkonthemoon

It’s stupid that “girl” and “world” are rhymed together so much in songs when “squirrel” is right there for the taking.