Well well well… looks like someone put on some weight again.
~ my pants right now
Bring a hedgehog into the library and frantically ask the clerks where they keep the reverse spell casting books.
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If you guys need me I’ll be strutting confidently through a parking lot toward a car that turns out not to be mine.
When I found out WAP didn’t mean wealth and prosperity I really regretted my comment in my niece’s graduation card 🤦🏼♂️
*turns on internet*
computor, i need to take a break from trying to achieve one thing. show me all of the achievments of others all at once
Construction worker: *whistles* Damn girl, you always move like that?
Me: [crab walking] yes, I’m a Cancer
I always take my fingers out of my ears & clap after each karaoke song performance.
I’m told as a lady in my 30s I shouldn’t wear certain things anymore – like halter tops, pigtails, and the scalps of my vanquished enemies.
Hair growing from my ears and nostrils doesn’t mean I’m getting old, right? Means I’m turning into a werewolf! Right?
Alligators sewing little pictures of rich white people on their shirts.
I was banned from guitar class because of an inappropriate reaction to “let’s practice your fingering technique”