@vanluvz1

Bring in 2015 the same way you came into this world. Naked and screaming.

You Might Also Like

@Rohit_And_Run

I’ve had a lot more interest from women since I’ve been forced to wear a mask and I don’t know how to feel about that.

@RdrJay47

A virus that wipes out every photo filter across the internet but leaves the photos.

@Gooooats

My wife tricked me into marrying her by laughing at my jokes when we were dating.

@skedaddle74

My bf: can’t you give me a clue to where I put the car keys?

Me: The elephant crawls at midnight but the zebra lays down his tracks by the freeway.

@oakhillbargrill

Instead of a tweet up,

I think all the twitter crushes should get together for a weekend in the mountains

You know…

A Couples Retweet

@bacon_gillepic

Person: you only live once

Me: that is the best news I’ve heard all day

@wendchymes

Fight club but just dueling neighbor’s aggressively leaf blowing leaves onto each other’s lawns.

@sdurbin23

Me: That Febreze smells like Fireball.

Wife: Yeah, non-alcoholics call that cinnamon.

@MarkAgee

So we’re doing The Trolley Problem but the most important thing is to save the trolley