@awescar

*brings laser pointer to the “Cats” movie*

You Might Also Like

@blondebombs

They say milk is good for your teeth..you know what else is good for your teeth..minding your own damn buisness

@thenatewolf

EVOLUTION: Behold, the cat, the perfect combination of stealth, power, and aggression. After millions of years, I have finally created the greatest hunter of them all.

*I place a very small bell on the cat’s collar*

EVOLUTION: No! Stop! You’re ruining it!!!

@DanaSchwartzzz

I really hope the Tesla board doesn’t force out Elon Musk because that it 100% how we get a Green Goblin scenario

@TattleTSister

Halloween is the perfect time to trick people into believing you aren’t really going to use that ice pick you’re carrying around.

@elunatyk

I’m afraid of being murdered but only because they would record my stomach contents.

@DimpleThakkar

Wonder when that family from Russia is going to realize I took a selfie instead of a photo of them standing in front of the Chinese Theatre.

@Vodkantots

As a Jew, I refuse to enter any steam room or sauna until I’ve seen other people come out.

@treydayway

Pedestrians cross the street like it’s on their bucket list to get hit