Godspeed, John Glenn
Britney Spears’ Slave 4 U is trending on Christmas Eve just like it did that magical night in Bethlehem thousands of years ago. God bless everyone.
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Cut your toenails every 2 to 24 weeks whether they need it or not.
Thinking it’s a not a good thing when the pizza delivery guy knows my dog by name.
When I learned what calculators did, I immediately cleared the “math” part of my brain to make room for more movie quotes.
1: ‘Twas the night before xmas, & all thru the house
Dad was trashed on Grey Goose, mom spilled merlot on her blouse
I remember when I was a kid I could go to the store with $1 and come home with 3 bags of chips 2 candy bars 6 packs of starburst and a cold drink. nowadays they got cameras everywhere
Brain: “something is wrong”
Me: “what is it?”
Brain: “you gotta guess ”
There is literally no limit to how many Kevins you can be friends with.
“john could tell that emily was getting tired of him narrating their date”
It’s all fun and games till a Murder Hornet gets caught under your mask.