BRITS: Put extra vowels in all of the words!
WELSH: Fckn Brts tk r vwls. Lts jst mk nw wrds wtht thm, xcpt y. Y cn sty.
You Might Also Like
I am a full grown adult. Now listen to me discuss the various plot holes in Paw Patrol.
10: “What are we doing today?
Me: “We’re gonna make tacos.”
10: “Then what are we going to do?”
Me: “…I’ll be eating tacos.”
Just ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.
Will keep you posted.
if you believe in the butterfly effect, then you know that people who react slowly to green lights are responsible for everything.
what if waldo was in the witness protection program and the books are just a way for the mafia to find him?
I bet the first person to keep track of his age was a gigantic tool
“This is my 24th winter”
Shut up and help us kill this boar, Stuart
[slug spy] you’ll never take me alive *bites salt capsule*
When the rapture happens at a midwestern nondenominational church.
It’s not a coincidence that we use the term “committed” to refer to both relationships and a stay at a mental institution
Call centre operator: “Sorry for the delay, bear with me … ”
Me: “Put the bear on, he probably knows more.”
*scroll*
*scroll*
*scroll*
[I just learned that different colors of the heart emoji mean different things]
*scroll*
*scroll*
*scroll*
Let’s talk about the elephant in the room.
Elephant: I can hear you, you know.
Silently watch someone from outside their house 34 or 35 times and suddenly you’re a “weirdo” and “I’m calling the police”
[sliding $5 to the zookeeper]
Maybe one of those penguins ends up in my car?
Two squirrels in the backyard. But they are not playing together. Wonder if there’s history.
Medical form: Height?
Me: It depends on whether I’m wearing my hair in a man bun.
Medical form: Sex?
Me: Not since I started wearing my hair in a man bun.
I bet every time Vanilla sets his razor down on the bathroom sink, he looks up in the mirror, rubs his newly smooth face & says “Shaved Ice”
Oh well….there’s always tomorrow!
#hopespringseternal
These weekends are starting to feel as long as a lunch break.
[gets pulled over]
cop: “sir, do you know how fast you were going?”
[i’ve swapped places with the dog]
me: “answer the man”
if you aren’t on threads I just want you to know everyone is talking shit about you
They’re going to start pairing TV shows w/medications. “If you’re taking this, this and this… watch this!”
*concert*
Fleetwood Mac: thunder only happens when it’s rainingNeil Degrasse Tyson, at normal speaking volume from the back: no
DATING TIP: IF YOU EAT A MAGNET AND SLIP ANOTHER MAGNET INTO YOUR DATE’S DINNER SHE’LL NEVER BE ABLE TO LEAVE YOU
Since finding a huge spider in my slipper I now keep em on a chair cuz my little brain decided spiders don’t like chairs.
Her: your SO annoying!
Me: you’re 😐
Eating Tums is just sage-burning for your intestines.
I’m great at coloring eggs. Every morning I turn them black.
Always 🥴