Brobbits before Hobbits

You Might Also Like


Kids are eating leftover cotton candy for breakfast, day 4 of summer break.
Let’s see what next week brings, other than Child Services.


Keep an identical glass of vodka next to the glass of water on your bedside table for a refreshing morning game of Russian Roulette


Friend: [rubs my shoulder] Aw, honey, your life isn’t over. It’s just beginning!
Me: *sobs even harder


I always say “goodbye” to the Wal-Mart greeter, just to close that loop.




Mute person:

Fight club member:


Torturer who just boldly claimed he had ways of making people talk: oh no


Just left WalMart. All the cute well behaved kids must be at Target.


Interviewer: Any special skills?
Me: Eclairvoyance.
Him: I don’t understand.
Me: There’s a box of donuts in your desk


Devil worshipper leader: “Due to a typo we have summoned the wrong demon.”

Stan: “Hey there.”


Physicist: *pounds fist* None of our models predicted this!
Cindy Crawford: What did you expect? My major was Chemical Engineering.


I hate when I show up to a funeral and another guy is wearing the same hot dog costume.