@Holy_Mowgli: Bruce Banner with his hand stuck in a Pringles can, getting more and more frustrated
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@amandaacheckers: My mom just told me that one of her coworkers taught a first grader who spoke in a British accent Which isn’t that weird at all—until you take into account that his parents are from here, they have no accents & their son somehow adopted an entire dialect from watching Peppa Pig
@robdelaney: Always have a fake name at the ready so you don't tell the cops something stupid, like "Andrew Granola."
@Discourt: For a tiny person unable to wipe herself after she poops, my toddler has managed to hit me dead in the eyeball with 4 things today.
@lovemydogduck: My boyfriend woke up this morning with a huge smile on his face. I love sharpies