@BlindChow
“You will not marry him! He is not of our kind!”
But we’re in love!
“It is forbidden!”
*whale elopes with submarine*
@fordm
BRUCE WAYNE: How can I rid this city of crime
ALFRED: Mental health care access, economic development, gun reg—
BRUCE: Bring me a cape
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@BlindChow
@AverageCorners
Someday, when I’m really old, I hope I can sit my grandchildren around my rocking chair and text them pearls of wisdom.
@dumstupit
i hate small talk. i wanna talk about aliens, the 16 digits on your credit card, the 3 numbers on the back, and the expiration date
@meganamram
I saw Kony kissing Santa Claus
@Bedlam_Beersie
HEATH: I’m more “Heath” than you’ll ever be!
HEATHER: You wanna bet?
@omgthatspunny
A pun and grammar lesson in one
@engineportal
When a kid says ” Daddy, I want mommy”, that’s the kid version of “I’d like to speak to your supervisor.
@TheMichaelRock
Don’t forget to get offended today by some retarded shit that has absolutely no bearing on your life whatsoever.
@Jarhead44
FYI –
Lisa on FB has cramps but is still going to yoga.I’ll keep you all posted.
@nuttywhippet
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Where you left it