@fordm

BRUCE WAYNE: How can I rid this city of crime

ALFRED: Mental health care access, economic development, gun reg—

BRUCE: Bring me a cape

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@BlindChow

“You will not marry him! He is not of our kind!”

But we’re in love!

“It is forbidden!”

*whale elopes with submarine*

@AverageCorners

Someday, when I’m really old, I hope I can sit my grandchildren around my rocking chair and text them pearls of wisdom.

@dumstupit

i hate small talk. i wanna talk about aliens, the 16 digits on your credit card, the 3 numbers on the back, and the expiration date

@Bedlam_Beersie

HEATH: I’m more “Heath” than you’ll ever be!

HEATHER: You wanna bet?

@engineportal

When a kid says ” Daddy, I want mommy”, that’s the kid version of “I’d like to speak to your supervisor.

@TheMichaelRock

Don’t forget to get offended today by some retarded shit that has absolutely no bearing on your life whatsoever.

@Jarhead44

FYI –
Lisa on FB has cramps but is still going to yoga.

I’ll keep you all posted.