“You will not marry him! He is not of our kind!”
But we’re in love!
“It is forbidden!”
*whale elopes with submarine*
BRUCE WAYNE: How can I rid this city of crime
ALFRED: Mental health care access, economic development, gun reg—
BRUCE: Bring me a cape
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Someday, when I’m really old, I hope I can sit my grandchildren around my rocking chair and text them pearls of wisdom.
i hate small talk. i wanna talk about aliens, the 16 digits on your credit card, the 3 numbers on the back, and the expiration date
I saw Kony kissing Santa Claus
HEATH: I’m more “Heath” than you’ll ever be!
HEATHER: You wanna bet?
A pun and grammar lesson in one
When a kid says ” Daddy, I want mommy”, that’s the kid version of “I’d like to speak to your supervisor.
Don’t forget to get offended today by some retarded shit that has absolutely no bearing on your life whatsoever.
Lisa on FB has cramps but is still going to yoga.
I’ll keep you all posted.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Where you left it