@iamspacegirl: SANTA: Mhm, and I see here that you have the power of flight, which wo- SUPERMAN W/ ANTLERS TIED TO HIS HEAD: Look, I really need this job.

@cameronrbrown: Just one more week until I can finally eat candy out of my socks again.... without looking weird.

@MaritalFauxPas: If a cannibal kills me he better have the right kind of Zip-loc bags! If I get tossed out because of freezer burn I'm going to be pissed!

@DickMarcs: “First time caller, long time listener”—Alexander Graham Bell

@sixfootcandy: HUSBAND: What should Santa get you for Christmas? ME: A tennis ball machine filled with mini donuts? HUSBAND: Powdered or chocolate? ME: I love you.