yells “PARKOUR” then strokes a dog the wrong way, the camera zooms in on the dogs face, he portrays mild annoyance
Bruce Willis reaches for his iPhone but accidentally grabs his iPad and screams because he thinks he’s shrunk
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Some guys look classy carrying a flask. I look like a degenerate alcoholic, I dunno, maybe it’s my trackpants. Who’s house is this?
“Our squadron handled the ovoid sports biscuit with great aplomb!”
-British fans of American football
If by loves to travel you mean secretly following you every where you go from a safe distance then yes I love to travel.
Stephen Fry is being investigated for blasphemous comments.
Stephen Colbert is being investigated for a joke.
LET MY STEPHENS GO! 😡
No recovering from getting your arm stuck in a Pringles can on a first date.
Kids: Yay! Summer break!
Me: Not so fast. Let me introduce you to…THE GREAT SUMMER CHORE CHART OF 2017!
*3 kids faint, 1 runs away*
Looking like shit greatly increases your chances of seeing someone you know at the store by 90%.
Sure childbirth can be painful but have you ever tried shaving your knees with a fresh razor?
[shows jury picture of gruesome murder scene]
*they all gasp*
That was my initial reaction too. Those shoes with those pants?