@OfficiallyIce: Bruh 😭😭😭😭
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@MomOfTeen: Twitter has ruined me. Just wrote "we'll deliver your load on time" for a transportation client and broke into peals of laughter.
@HansGrubertron: [Jurassic Park] JOHN HAMMOND: We've spared no expense! ACCOUNTANT: There are no backup generators and you've hired 5 employees to run an entire island JOHN HAMMOND: I meant on the dinosaurs
@TampaBayMomma: Men think us women dream of finding the perfect man when really, all we want is to eat anything without getting fat.
@bourgeoisalien: Some people are shocked when they find out I have a degree from Harvard. Itβs not my degree, found it at a yard sale. But still, I have it.