@_Water_Baby: Bruises are your bodies way of reminding you that you should nap more and gallivant less.
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@NewDadNotes: Boss: who wants to practice public speaking? Me: can I go? Boss: of course. Me: [goes home]
@handsock_butts: date: I’ll have the chef’s salad me: [trying to impress her] I’ll have the CEO’s salad
@wendchymes: Reached the stage of parenting where I just found a garlic press in the shower and I didn’t even want to ask why.
@twilightsthorn: shrek the third may have not been as great as the other movies but this transition still gets me