@pittdave13: Bugs have antennas so they can get a few local channels for free
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@TigNotaro: Blanket apology to everyone I’ve begged to go camping after two drinks. It was too intense and I do not own a tent.
@elmulino: I don’t think people outside of England understand that the “it’s coming home” thing was a joke at first because we had no hope but it actually might be coming home and now we don’t know what to do with ourselves
@pizza_dragon: Hi kids I'm Keanu Reeves here to tell you that speed is never cool unless you're a professional SWAT member on a bus that's about to blow up
@JohnLyonTweets: My neighbors' trash is almost all empty Sudafed boxes. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what they are: sick.