I wonder if Mariah Carey knows it’s possible to sing a high note without pointing her finger in the air?
But were you called “dream wife” on the internet today?
Oh, you were. By the same guy? I see.
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A horror story:
You are enjoying a quiet night with a glass of wine on the couch when, suddenly, the phone rings.
That’s it that’s the whole story.
Nothing is worse than having jock itch. ESPECIALLY within 100 ft of a school or playground.
the big fight.
i’m glad you trained me.
i’m glad i trained you.
Sure, 50% of marriages end in divorce and yeah, that’s sad.
But 100% of married people will die, and isn’t that a greater tragedy?
If it ain’t broke, my children haven’t touched it yet.
I find it creepy that everything Bryan Adams does, he does it for me.
Me: I’m so sorry, my dog ate my homework
Comp Sci Professor: your dog ate your coding assignment?
Me: it took him a couple bytes
Sees friend from highschool. Gives friend a big hug. Refuses to let go of friend. Becomes siamese friends.
I have literally never stopped thinking about this