@ruinedpicnic

[buying cucumber and vaseline]
me: got an awesome night planned
clerk: eugh
[later, eating a cucumber and vaseline sandwich]
this is awful

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As a cat burglar most of my late night break-ins are actually well orchestrated attempts to pet other peoples animals.

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As moms, we make decisions to keep our kids healthy. Like drinking this entire bottle of wine so that my teenager can live another day.

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@CornOnTheGoblin

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@PyrBliss

People who still say ‘YOLO’ only deserve to live once anyway.