t-shirt is short for “television shirt”
Me: Can I try it out first?
Me: (pulls out laundry basket and hangs wet clothes on it) I like it.
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Sorry I put black eyeliner on your baby, but honestly, look at how edgy it is now.
THIRD RULE OF FIGHT CLUB: Only one juice box per person.
Every commercial for every product should have a scientist looking into a microscope. That gives me the confidence to buy
People who aren’t entombed in 8 feet of snow, what’s it like to live in a tropical paradise?
When walking behind someone at night, let them know you’re not dangerous by yelling “DO NOT FEAR ME” very loudly
Doctor: you’re not going to make it
Me: give me a number doc
Me: *pees into a cup 8 feet away*
Doctor: damn son
Doctor: You need to cut out orange juice in the morning.
Me: Because of all the sugar?
D: No, because of all the champagne.
ten years ago we had Jason Shoes, Carl Shirt and Daniel Problem. now we have no shoes no shirt no problem welcom to dennys what can i get u