*Buys bat for home security

*it flies away

Being dumb is hard.

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What sound does a cow make?
Good, a duck?
Good, how about a seal?
“My power my PLEASURE MY PAIN, babaaaayyy


A girl on Facebook says it’s officially too cold to go outside. Thank you for your official confirmation, Madison, I will remain indoors.


I don’t mean to complain but Disney Jr and YouTube have done a terrible job of raising my kids.


The self-checkout screen says “Finish and pay.” I feel like I’m with an irritable hooker.


at my wedding my cat will be the flower girl and she will be guided down the aisle with a laser pointer


Spider just landed on my shoulder. I didn’t want to kill it so I just fainted instead.