Your word is ‘golfed’
“May I have it in a sentence please?”
Sure. He golfed with a tee.
*buys shed at B&Q*
B&Q: Are you putting this up yourself?
Me: No, it’s going in the garden.
B&Q: I can’t help you anymore.
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Terminator: I’LL BE BACK
Me: Ok so I’ll see you…termi-later haha
Terminator: Actually I probably won’t be back
Facebook friend: If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you-
SHUT UP, SHANNON. YOU’RE *ALWAYS* AT YOUR WORST.
HER: do you like charades?
MIME: [thumbs up]
MIME: [nodding ‘yes’]
MIME: [shooting self with finger gun]
Wife is painting the upstairs bedrooms. It’s not in my nature to sit still while she slaves away so I went up and complained about the color
SPONSORED POST: Tide Pods. Remember when we seemed like a big problem?
I just want to rub all over you……..
……..with the front end of my car.
How do I raise my kids? Simple, I grab them under their arm pits, bend at the knees and stand up, how else would you do it?
Overheard a woman say very angrily on the phone “I married a stale ham sandwich of a human” and calling someone a stale ham sandwich is probably my new favorite insult