@WheelTod

BUZZFEED: Is Internet Clickbait Dumbing Down Society?

Lick your fingers & stick them in a power socket to learn the shocking answer.

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@tat2dsoccermom

My boyfriend said he wanted me to be more affectionate, so now I have TWO boyfriends.

@Rollinintheseat

*Buys 15 feet of bubble wrap*

Cashier: “Are you moving?”

Me: “No, why?”

@_b1p0larbear

Long story short: Always check headphones for spiders before you put them on.

@psybermonkey

Me: what was with King Solomon having 300 concubines?

Bible scholar: it’s a mistranslation

[Flashback]

King Solomon: more porcupines

@KielyHealey

[first date at a karaoke bar]

Him: you said you had the voice of a siren

Me: I do! [grabbing the mic] Which would you prefer, ambulance or police?

@BradBroaddus

My wife told me to find someone else if anything ever happened to her so I don’t know why she got pissed when she found my “prospects” list.

@stephenjmolloy

Doctor: You need a new liver and we found a match.

Me: When can you operate?

*lighting a candle*

Doctor: When we find you a new liver.