@alexlumaga

By age 35 you should be at least 35 years old

You Might Also Like

@randygdub

trump is putting everyone who works at goldman sachs in the government so that there’s no one left to run GS and they go out of business

@robdelaney

The name Corey is short for Coriander. Coreys will try & tell you it’s not but they are lying.

@awescar

Why is the gynecologist tool called a speculum and not a “snatchula”?

@daemonic3

ME: I got us a custom headstone!

WIFE: I’m not being immortalized in one of your dumb jokes

ME: Just read it

WIFE: “Tomb it may concern…”

@momTruthBomb

A lot of parenting involves doing really nice things for your kids, and your kids making you regret that decision instantly.

@Crunk_Jews

Apparently, you still fail a roadside sobriety test if you just lay down and take a nap.

@JessObsess

[Starbucks]
What can I get you?

I’ll have a large coffee, black

“You don’t have to say black”

I’ll have a large coffee, African American

@zacharyflynn

How about a game where Mario gets a job and gets his coins like the rest of us.