I don’t claim to know what happens inside the dishwasher, but I’m guessing that it’s like the first 15 minutes of Saving Private Ryan.
cab driver: how was your meal?
wife: it didn’t go down as well as we’d hoped
cab driver: that’s too bad
me: *still choking on a fish bone* why is no one helping me?
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Me: But nothing comes out when you move your lips just a bunch of gibberish, you mother fu-
Friend: WHAT ARE YOU SAYING TO MY BABY?!
My nephew said the cherries in my refrigerator had gone bad. They’re moonshine cherries, so yeah, they aren’t exactly choir boys.
Probably the worst thing about dying a virgin would be all the dead terrorists that are waiting for you.
*Uses finger to wipe dirt off your face*
Accidentally makes it dirtier with my Cheetos fingers
“You look fine now”
2nd WOMAN ON EARTH: I’m thinking of getting my belly button pierced
EVE: your what?
Mickey Mouse’s pants out of context look like something that would try to kill Mario.
About to start selling my new weight loss program
For only 29.95$ I’ll flirt with you making you so nauseous you’ll never want to eat again
God, designing a toddler: ya know what would be hilarious would be if it has no ability to reason but talks nonstop. Also make it trip a lot
Me: Forgive me father I have sinned
Priest: Get out of my house
M: But it’s a big sin
P: *sigh* Speak child
M: I broke into your house