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@TheAlexNevil: Cake: Hi
Me (fall to my knees, crying): Please...not again
@2tickytacky: When someone yells "Fire!" at my house, I'll be the first to leap from the toilet and fall flat on my face because my legs fell asleep
@DadBits: Toy stores should spread the toys out on the floor so you can see them in their natural state and practice stepping on them.
@MehrangizC: On a scale of 1 to 'Maxi pad with wings'
How self-absorbed are you?
@ItsDumbTweets: 😂 wtf
@TheHeartlessBoy: Congrats to Lindsay Lohan for successfully portraying what happens to mean girls after high school.