Its not pretty being easy.
CALIBUR: I love being a calibur!
ME: Stop being a calibur. Arthur needs you.
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Well, son, back in my day, we didn’t have a fancy robot to turn the tv on for us. We only had a boomerang.
by milkshake she means trash and by boys she means raccoons and it’s a real problem in that neighborhood
She had silky hair and legs that went on for days. I was in bed with a horse.
6 was jealous about other kids getting notes in their lunches, so I put one in his:
“Sorry, I ate your pudding. Love, Dad.”
[invention of burgers]
visionary: what if we grated a cow?
assistant: and molded it into wheels? sir that’s genius
-Boss: “Send me one of your funny tweets”
-Me: “I’m working at the moment, I’ll send you one later”
-Boss: “Hahaha! Send me another one.”
An 8 yr old boy was screaming at the grocery store because his mom wouldn’t buy him a Mars bar. So I bought one and ate it in front of him.
An app that detects itself running on other people’s phones, then both devices play Random Encounter music. What happens next is up to you.
Folks, what’s the deal with Stuart Little. Husband and wife go to an adoption agency and they give them a rat in a sweater. Surely illegal