Nothing like riding a motorcycle without a helmet. The wind blowing through your hair… the warm pavement on your face…
Call me old-fashioned, but I think if a kid’s old enough to feel comfortable saying, “Christ, Dad, can’t this thing go any faster?” they should get out of the stroller and walk.
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If we can’t hit our kids, what’s next? A society slowly becoming less violent as we learn more about child development and human psychology?
LAWYER: Would you like to press charges?
CHARGES: Please don’t touch me.
I just fell flat on my face outside and made a reverse snow angel trying to get up
*dont let him know you been stalking him
Him- so my brother just got deployed
Me: Josh or Brian?
If you eat enough hershey kisses, you can reform the wrappers into a kiss and replace it in the bowl. This is less funny if you live alone.
I wondered why my back was so sore until I saw my son jumping rope on a crack in the sidewalk.
One smoker left in the world. The Quit Smoking ads get personal.
HEY KEVIN, STOP SMOKING. YOU STINK. YOUR WIFE SAYS YOU NEED VIAGRA.
Failed my Politics exam. “Describe the role that India plays in the modern world”.
Apparently “Tech Support” is not the correct answer.
I’m pretty certain the inventor of the ball gag was someone who had just had sex with a loud talker