@WilliamAder
Why do they even bother having different brands of milk?
@wolfmannjr
Calling bullshit on news that the Amazon is burning. I just got a package delivered from them today
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@WilliamAder
@dave_cactus
ME: Your doll is creeping me out! Is it haunted?
NEW MOM: That’s my baby, you idiot.
@mommajessiec
My children were pretending to lead a workout class, and one of them stopped and yelled “tater tot break” and this is a fitness trend I can fully embrace.
@vichupedia
Who called them Grammar Nazis and not PRO-Grammars.
@briancthayer
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the other losers who missed a 15 million square mile target.
@AmberDonn
Facebookers reacting to it snowing is very similar to a caveman reacting to seeing fire for the first time.
@meganamram
With inflation, it would be Mambo No. 6.59 in 2013
@Kyle_Lippert
You’re a dog person? *Throws a stick* Well? Aren’t you going to run after it or are you cool with being a normal human that’s also a liar?
@vincevangone
I am “knows everything about Aardvarks because Mom bought an encyclopedia,” years old.
@bea_ker
Teachers love saying ‘If Shakespeare was alive today he’d be a rapper’. Wrong. If Shakespeare was alive today he’d be a 460-year old freak and people would fear him.