@EndhooS

[Calls boss]
I’m gonna be late…
“How late?”
*Cut to me trapped inside a tiny house made from Lego*
I’ve no idea to be honest with you…

You Might Also Like

@okimstillhungry

Me: Can you hear me?
Ouija board: Y-E-S
Me: Is it hard to hear me with all the updog?
Ouija board: I-W-I-L-L-M-U-R-D-E

@TheAlexNevil

I spray Lysol on Tide Pods before I eat them. Double protection!

@PhriendlyCody

dora: jeez we’re really lost

boots: dora i’m freezing

backpack: we need a fire

the map: what should we use to start it?

dora:

boots:

backpack:

the map: oh no

dora: *holding a lighter* this IS all your fault

@better_off_dad

*at the confessional

Priest: .’..and do you repent? Do you plan to repeat these sins?’

Me: ‘You mean, like, ever?’

@ddsmidt

Hubs: Hey, was that tweet about me?

M: No, they’re never about people I know.

*writes another tweet about him*

@omgthatspunny

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

@Stap_Jr

My charger only works if my phone is on a 45 degree angle, resting on a tiny pillow with Pat Benatar playing quietly in the background.

@UnFitz

*puts you on pedestal*

*vacuums where you were standing*

*takes you off pedestal*