Just found out my birthday is the same day I was born…
Life is crazy…
Calm down check out guy, you don’t have to inspect my $20 so hard, If I was talented enough to make my own, I wouldn’t be in Quickie Mart..
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James Blunt: you’re beautiful
James Blunter: I’ve seen better
Environmentally friendly means to stop burning bridges and just throw people off of them
*Gets on plane*
*Takes out earbuds*
Yes but what if Donald Trump IS actually dead but his toupee is alive and steering him round like a marionette?
DOCTOR: Well, I can’t find anything wrong with you. I suspect the problem is heavy drinking
ME: Should I come back when you’ve sobered up?
Our middle child says we neglect him/her.
BOSS: We’re looking for a real people person
ME: Well I’m definitely a human
HER: You look so nervous.
ME: *nervously* HA. I’m never nervous.
HER: You’re sweating.
ME: *just freaking out* That’s bravery moisture.
Whenever I’m feeling low, I grab a pen.. and I write something joyful and happy to lift my spirits.
Today I’m writing my bosses obituary.