@iLikeCatShirts: Boxing is like a dance, a dance where you punch your dance partner until he doesn't want to dance anymore.

@SoAnyway1: I get confused by Burqas. I accidentally posted a letter in a Muslim woman yesterday.

@Mom_Overboard: [the afterlife] Me: So, this is heaven! *sees husband* whoa whoa whoa, what's he doing here?! The contract said til death parts us! Angel: *chuckling* Me: omg. this is hell, isn't it.

@SuperApple80: Jesus Christ, you’re absolutely insane. Wanna be friends so I look like a better person?

@NoTheOtherJohn: "Welcome to lazy club. My name i-*doors get kicked in* "THIS IS A ROBBERY! NOBODY MOVE!" [voice from the back] "Nobody was going to."