Not saying my inability to remember popular figures of speech killed my journalism career, but it was probably the last snail in the coffee.
Can you describe the man who did this
“he was a meanie head”
No describe his face, sir
“He had a stupid face”
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1. Glue dark sunglasses to all pigeons in a park.
2. Poke stranger on the shoulder.
3. Whisper, “I think we’re being watched…”
Wanna live a long life? Get married. I guarantee you’ll change your mind real quick.
I tried watching Inception with Twitter on. I still don’t know what Juno was doing in their dreams.
1) Put index and thumb together.
2) Place them where nose meets forehead.
3) Close eyes.
5) Check to see if person still talking.
*shuts down road going both ways*
Right over here, officer. Here is where the accident happened.
*pulls tiny sheet over squirrel*
How much credibility is there in that whole “you can punch yourself handsome” theory?
Asking for a friend.
While never officially canonized by a Pope, Saint Patrick is widely recognized as the patron saint of Slytherin.
HER: Tell me what you want
ME: A sequel to Ratatouille
HER: No! Tell me what you want in bed
ME: Oh! *gets in bed* a sequel to Ratatouille
*grabbing my own shoulders and shaking myself* PLEASE, for the love of god, just tell me what you want