@NicestHippo

“Can you explain this Gap in your work history?”

Yes that’s when I worked for the popular clothing retailer

You Might Also Like

@AndrewNadeau0

If you can’t think of a word say “I forget the English word for it”. That way people will think you’re bilingual instead of an idiot.

@Jamberee13

Him: ok now put a worm on the hook

Me: *enjoying the boat ride with my new container of pet worms* What now?

@caithuls

If your job doesn’t have a dress code, start wearing scrubs to it. Don’t say anything just do it and don’t answer any questions about it either

@GrantTanaka

Barista: name?
Benedict Cumberbatch: Benedict Cumberbatch
Barista [writes “Benedict Cumberbatch”]
Benedict Cumberbatch: holy shit

@TheMichaelRock

Breaking News: Radio Shack is closing 1,100 stores nationwide.

Even Breakier News: I can’t believe there’s 1,100 Radio Shack’s.

@QwertyJones3

[Starbucks]

“Yes, I’d like a venti skinny soy half-sweet one-pump caramel macchiato half-caff extra whip, please.”

Barista: Is Pepsi ok?

@plank_sinatra

What if toilet plumbing was really like those tubes at the bank and all the tubes just went to this one guy’s house and he’s really pissed

@Darlainky

Why is it called a phobia-induced breakdown and not tears for fears?

@mountainlex

I’m always surprised when heavily tattooed couples have a baby and it comes out blank