@noneofyours99: Can you guess which dog isn't falling for the "worm pill" wrapped in bacon ?
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@Reverend_Scott: God: Done Angel: you can't be finished God: I am Angel: but that's a hairless cat- God: aaand send
@CoopFogg: When I order pizza online, in the "Special Instructions for the Driver" box, I put "Tell me I'm a pretty princess". And they do. And I am.
@waydybee: Finally goes to open-mic night. gets on stage. bombs so badly gets arrested for terrorism. #BucketListFails
@NinjaFuneral: I hope this guy at the urinal next to me can see that I'm checking Twitter and not taking pictures.