BOSS: is your make up tattooed on?
ME: yeah it’s exhausting to have to put it on every single morning
BOSS: why a clown though
‘can you smell what the Lord is cookin?’
– Christian Rock
You Might Also Like
Why doesn’t anyone put the whole football on their mouth like a pelican and pretend they don’t have it
[Jesus goes over the bill at the last supper]
“Why would-[closes eyes & rubs bridge of nose]-Why would anyone order wine?”
When my co-worker asked me if I wanted anything from the vending machine, I can tell she wasn’t expecting me to say 4 Snickers bars.
*outside my house*
– Don’t let them know you have Clifford
– Hey you must really like red your whole first floor is red, and barks?
WHITE PEOPLE COLONIZED AND ENSLAVED THE WORLD IN SEARCH OF SPICES AND DIDN’T USE A DAMN ONE
You and I are just different. And by different I mean you’re stupid.
“MAKE GOOD CHOICES!!”, I screamed from inside the cop car
Girls adore it when you guess their weight as they walk by.
MEN: we’re gonna stop flirting at work and giving unasked-for hugs
MEN: wait, no, you don’t understand, those were threats