Objection your honor! He’s badgering the witness lmao
*Courtroom erupts in laughter*
Badger: Ok seriously I’m a lawyer and deserve respect
CANADIAN: Let’s watch a movie
AMERICAN: Have you seen Titanic?
CANADIAN: What’s that about?
AMERICAN: Yes, it was. A huge one that sank
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How crazy is it that we used to say “three and a half inch floppy” with a straight face
“Five year plan?”
…written down here somewhere
… Ahh, here it is, lemme clean the cheese off this Mcmuffin wrapper
Every car wash comes with a free shower if you get out of your vehicle naked.
We missed out flight when the TSA discovered my musket hidden in my carry on bag.
Also, I couldn’t get my cell phone to charge because electricity hasn’t been invented yet.
gettin prety good at makin baloon animals, so far i can make:
– a snake
– dog, hot
– 2 snakes
Your ‘Chemistry’ with your girlfriend is great if you remember her ‘Periodic Table’.
“Screw you, my face doesn’t look like that at all” – an actual duck.
Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because you were able to steal 12 of his hoodies.
I know I shouldn’t be on top of this table singing Don’t Stop Believin’ loud, off-key, and wrong, but please know it’s because I love all of you. You’re my friends, my family, an-
~ Me, right before getting kicked out of Starbucks