CANADIAN ANNOUNCER: I feel bad for the water look how hard they’re kicking it.
Canadians are not always nice, especially if your son pisses on their snowman.
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DEATH STAR BARISTA: How do you want your coffee?
VADER: On the dark side.
DEATH STAR BARISTA: Debit? Cash?
VADER: Star bucks.
Being an adult means assuming someone’s dead every time your parents call you at work.
Turns out all the electrical wires in this house are Twizzlers so we’re looking at another $3000 added to the budget
Saw my wife watching the Food Network while I was making dinner, so I was like, “You can just watch me in the kitchen, no commercials!”
Impressing the McDonald’s drive thru people with my music is always a top priority
In high school we had a thing called Ethics Day put on by Chick-Fil-A where they would give out coupons for free chicken sandwiches. My friends and I found the book of all the coupons and stole it. The devils of Ethics Day.
“I always feel unnoticed”
NINJA: I hear ya
GUY WITH CAMOUFLAGE PANTS: It’s like we’re all soulmates
Brain: We got this!!
Body: Yeah, no we don’t
*waits until you fall asleep*
*tests out his new retractable air horn*