What happens when the in-flight movie stars Adam Sandler.
Cancer: Expect a minor shakeup at work this week when you find your boss eating what’s left of Gary.
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singer at concert: *says name of city we’re in*
me: that’s the name of the city we’re in!
friend: it is good to hear the name of our city!
Confidence should never be confused with arrogance.
Arrogance is spelled way differently.
MOM: I hope you brought an appetite!
ME: I have spent a year studying a snake’s ability to unhinge its jaw to swallow food larger than its own head
GRANDMA: so, still single
Coworker: Do you ever think about work at home?
Me: I don’t even think about work at work.
Child protective services?
Who’s protecting the parents Huh?
WHO’S PROTECTING THE PARENTS?
The doctor told me that at some point I’ll have to stop partying and I said I’d cross that bridge and find a new doctor.
Women, when you say: “We should move into a better house.”
A man hears: “My plan is to force you to work till the day you die.”
Does your wife know you’re single?
I don’t know if anyone’s seen the renegade master, but apparently he’s back once again with the ill behaviour, which frankly, in this current climate, I find thoughtless at best.