@Sorrowscopes: Cancer: Expect a minor shakeup at work this week when you find your boss eating what's left of Gary.
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@nachosarah: my new diet is not buying things at the store that make the cashier say wow someone's having a party
@sarcasm_inc: *approaches your table* Magic trick? *I hold out some cards with fake hands while my real hand pokes out of my shirt and steals your burger*
@SteveSuckington: [100 year old man on job interview] "Do you have any references?" Sure, hold on. *pulls out Ouija board*