@huntigula

can’t believe I got front row seats

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@iamspacegirl

Ghost me would do the same stuff as alive me.
Howl. Wander. Stand in front of the fridge and stare at all the food I’m not allowed to eat.

@lianamaeby

To its credit, only like 8% of doing the Macarena involves heiling Hitler.

@_salt_n_lime

Don’t tell me how to run my account and I won’t make a voodoo doll just to dunk your head in the toilet.

@BigJDubz

Judge: I don’t think you understand the gravity of the situation

Me: *floating*

@druuuck

NASA : we were wrong , there ARE 9 planets in the Solar System

PLUTO: I’m back, baby!

NASA: because we found a new one!

PLUTO: SON OF A

@SortaBad

“Mind control agents in chem trails sounds crazy? That’s EXACTLY what the govt wants”

Bride: I shouldn’t have let you write your own vows

@samfromks

I was left alone for 3 hours and I almost cut my hand off trying to open a banana.

@isabelzawtun

Facebook 2007: are you a teenager who wants to find out if your crush is single?

Facebook 2017: are you an aunt who wants revenge

@Izianikapani

Australia is touted as a great model of gun control but no one mentions our unlimited access to boomerangs.

@Laser_Cat

Tuna are probably pretty annoyed with how much we worry about catching dolphins in our tuna nets.