CUSTOMER SERVICE: is there anything else i can do for you
ME: you’ve been very helpful, can i have your name
CS: sure, it’s janice
JANICE: thank you
: you’re welcome
Can’t, I’m about to turn 50 and my lower back is almost 83.
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When someone compliments me on here, my gut reaction is to say, “YEAH OKAY AND WHAT IF I’M A CATFISH?!”
…I am not a catfish.
Why am I like this?
Someone just knocked on the door of my apartment and I yelled, “There’s no one here,” so I think I handled that very well.
Every time my husband wakes me up to tell me I’m snoring we end up having sex. I’m beginning to question whether or not I snore.
Him: I’d be happy to (using finger quotes) screen the applicants.
Me: I’d be happy to (using finger quotes) testify in the harassment suit.
I never realized how annoying I could be until I created a miniature version of myself and started arguing with it daily.
The odds of Jesus coming a second time are about the same as those of ANY man coming a second time. #amirightladies
“I killed a man”
“Lol had to get that off my chest, now why did you come in today, my son?”
Me: I’m not interested in you that way
Them: Which way?
Me: Pick one