@DannyZuker: Everyone else could have their eyes shut, runny noses and food in their teeth but if I look thin, it's a GREAT group photo.

@Tmoney68: Thought it might be fun to go on American Ninja Warrior. Then I tripped over a rubber dog bone in my living room and put that dream to bed.

@RadWizzy: [runs thru the funeral chasing a bagpipe player] "Stop hurting that octopus!"

@zachreinert03: Recently joined the mile high club sandwich. That's when you have sex on a plane, and it's with a sandwich

@fro_vo: everyone on the saturday night live thing pronounced it sarynyelive